the collected lists of Zuko
by emletish
Summary: Zuko writes lists. a lot. Most of them are about Katara, because she confuses him. a lot. companion piece to stalking Zuko and not stalking Zuko.


The collected lists of Zuko.

List 1

Things that annoy Katara.

For my own safety/sanity, I have decided compile a list of what appears to annoy Katara and endeavour to do these things as little as possible.

It annoys Katara when:

I speak in her illustrious presence

I don't speak but maintain what she refers to as a _moody sulk._

I apologise for everything

I don't apologise for everything

I talk to Toph

I talk to Aang

I talk to Sokka

I cast aspersions on Sokka's ponytail, sorry warriors wolftail.

I cast aspersions on Aang's concentration levels. Am not allowed to say he has the focus of a teaspoon – or else I will be subjected to another ranty lecture re: teaspoons and how lucky I am that Katara did not have one on her person.

*Note: what was she planning to do with one if she did have one on her person? Disembowel me with it? Is that even possible?

I carry Toph around.

*Note: Toph however, demands this service frequently and she is the only one who is even slightly friendly to me, I will probably continue with this particular annoying behaviour.

I sit with the group

I sit apart from the group

I eat fireflakes

I share fireflakes

I use the phrase _better than fireflakes_

I firebend

I train Aang, especially if we are training shirtless.

I refuse naps. (naps? WTF? Am I five?)

I make a grumpy face.

*Note: do not know how to stop doing this. This is just how my face is. This is just what my face does. I am not even trying to make what she calls a _grumpy face_.

Nobody helps with the dishes

_I_ help with the dishes

I breathe.

* * *

List 2

Toph's advice:

Have spoken to Toph re: Katara's varying levels of hostility. She had some advice.

Katara is normally hostile to new group members and will come around given time.

Accept Katara's bossiness as it is an unchangeable fact of life. Katara tells Toph how to earthbend, Aang how to be the avatar and Sokka how to do whatever it is that Sokka does. Katara will boss me around and if her requests are reasonable, I should comply without argument. If her requests are unreasonable, I have Toph's permission to argue away as I see fit. She apparently finds my arguments with Katara hilarious and does not want them to stop completely.

Be as helpful as possible. Katara loves people who help out/pull their weight

Be patient with her because she is a sweet person underneath it all. I already know this because she was very sweet to me in the crystal catacombs and now I have _ruined it forever_ and she will always hate me.

* * *

List 3

Katara's impossible tasks

Rearrange all the cupboards in the kitchen and bring the frequently used items, saucepans, cutlery etc down from their freakishly high positions

Rearrange the kitchen furniture as per Katara's exact specifications – this is to make it more user friendly.

Unclog the sink

Rearrange all the fruit and veggies in order of colour

Rearrange the spice cupboard in alphabetical order

Mop the floor, even though she could do it in a flash with her waterbending.

Pick her a large bunch of moonpeaches from the orchard

Pick her that purple flower that is at the very top of the moon peach tree.

* * *

List 4

10 reasons why Katara is the most impossible girl in the history of ever!

1)Katara is the bossiest person on the planet! If all the bossy people in the entire world got together, Katara would be crowned their queen. She would pass **many decrees** and I'm sure one of these decrees would ban fireflakes.

2)Katara is the nosiest girl on the planet! She just has to know friggin everything. Everything in this temple is my business!_ What does that even mean?_Am starting to think Katara is stalking me. She is always following me around and spying on me. She is always there during training. Sometimes behind the third pillar, but she has a few other spots I've noticed. She is so wily and sneaky, sometimes it takes me a while to realise she is there.

3)Katara is as stubborn as all hell! She is more stubborn than a kimodo rhino. She is more stubborn than me! For goodness sake, if she could just let me eat fireflakes, we would have never had this argument!

4)The fireflakes! bloody hell ! Why does she hate fireflakes so much. Seriously_ if she just gave fireflakes a chance _I'm sure she'd like them. But no! She is forever criticising and complaining about them when they are just sitting harmlessly on the table and not doing anything to her.

5)You can eat fireflakes for breakfast lunch and dinner and it doesn't matter how much she shouts about this, balanced diets, getting fat, etc. I will continue to do so. They are delicious!

6)Not everything that has ever gone wrong, ever, is my fault. Those pirates would not have even thought of helping/working with me normally. But after _one exceptionally bossy, nosy, stubborn waterbender_ **stole their waterbending scroll**, they were all over that! I am only half to blame for pirate problems. Okay, I am probably mostly to blame, but still!

7)That necklace! I only found it because she lost it in prison. The prison guards told me she got herself arrested so that she could give overemotional speeches about hope to earthbenders. Who the does that? Also I didn't ask Jun to make any comments re: Katara being my girlfriend. I wouldn't date Katara anyway. She is going to boss around whatever poor sap falls for her like nobody's business. Is it possible to die from being bossed to death? Well, who ever wants to date Katara is going to find out! And that person will not be me!

8)Katara says I am reckless and prone to poor decision making! Well so is she! Stealing from pirates, breaking into prison, I'm not the only person in the world who does dumb shit.

9)Katara can make me feel like I am the worst person in the entire world with just a look. I don't want her to hate me but she's never even going to give me a friggin chance.

10) Water is the lamest element and I should not even care what a waterbender thinks this badly. Because all waterbenders are lame. And probably bossy as well. And not at all pretty.

* * *

Author's note:

Lovely readers! This is just a short and sweet little series of lists set around the start of _Stalking Zuko_. In my imagination, Zuko writes lists. A lot. I'll post more lists periodically, but _Not Stalking Zuko_ is probably my main priority at the moment. I also want to tell you lovely readers, juts in case I don't get to finish the chapter I'm working on before the 12th nov, that I'm going on holidays. From the 12th to the 28th, I'll be in Vietnam! So yay for me, but probably bummer for you guys! I will try and get the next chapter up before then, just so you guys have something to tide you over the long two weeks til I get back. I just wanted to let you guys know here, because I don't want to leave you hanging and I didn't want you frantically checking for updates and going _raaarrr, why hasn't she updated? _After the 10th nov, uni is officially over for me for a few months so I will have alot more time to write, so the updates will probably come fast and furious after that.


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